


Dear Happy

by chemically_imbalanced_romance



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Food mentions, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Loneliness, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, it's more of an ambiguously happy ending, lack of motivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemically_imbalanced_romance/pseuds/chemically_imbalanced_romance
Summary: There's a side only Patton knows about.___Patton meets a figment of the Mindscape, Eden- Otherwise known as Happiness. Patton writes him letters to try to convince Eden to spend time with him.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Original Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 22





	Dear Happy

**Author's Note:**

> @GrayJedi11 beta'd this for me and if it wasn't for xem there would be a lot of sentences in here that straight up wouldn't make sense so go thank xem by reading xeir fics

Patton wasn’t sure why he was the only one who could see him, as he visited Patton the least of all. He wasn’t so much a side, not a function like Morality, or Logic. But he was a very real part of the Mindscape, despite the others not knowing about him. 

Sometime after the puppet video, Roman took Logan and Virgil into the Imagination for an adventure. It was Roman’s way of an apology, and a very effective one, at that. A day of being spoiled by a prince in a place where you can do and have anything had a way of winning people over. 

Patton stayed behind. They invited him, and seemed sad that he wouldn’t go, but he had to work on his own apology, no matter how many times they insisted it wasn’t necessary. He wanted to. 

He spent the afternoon preparing a surprise of all their favourite treats—Lemon poppy seed bread for Logan (with a brand new jar of Crofters), red velvet cupcakes for Roman, and sugar cookies cut into bats, ghosts, and witch hats for Virgil (with a promise to help decorate). 

Patton found himself getting lost in the music he put on; he danced around the kitchen, apron twirling around like a swing dress, as he sang loud and off-key. He went on autopilot, sliding the cupcakes in the oven, and kneading the bread dough. 

He hadn’t felt so light, so giddy, in a very long time. His stomach fluttered each time he imagined their faces, and he couldn’t help but giggle. He was going to make them so happy. 

“Such a lovely sight.” 

Patton screamed and whipped around, holding the dough like a shield. The boy in the kitchen leapt back like  _ he _ was startled. He pressed his back against the wall, and they held each other’s gaze. 

“Are you a new side?” Patton shakily lowered the dough, just a bit.  _ I hope not. He’s creepy.  _

He shook his head. 

“Then who are you?” Patton flicked his gaze around, half expecting to see more Thomas look-a-likes pouring into the room. 

“I’m…” The boy cleared his throat. “My name is Eden. My function is, well, for simplicity's sake… Happiness.”

Patton blinked. “Happiness?” 

“Yes.”

He set the dough down with trembling hands and smoothed down his apron. “Well, I’m… Sorry for the fright. You surprised me. I’m-”

“I know who you are.” Eden smiled a crooked smile, eyes crinkling. “Patton. I’ve been here since the start.”

Patton frowned in confusion. He’d been there the whole time, and he just now decided to show himself? He wanted to be diplomatic, but it was hard to trust him. How did he know Eden was being honest about his function? How did he know he wasn’t just Deceit in disguise?

Eden tisked and raised a pale hand to examine it. His honey-coloured eyes sparkled through his skin, the photo of Roman he was standing in front of showing through his fluffy, dark hair. 

“What’s happening?” Patton asked in panic. 

“Well…” He laughed weakly. “I don’t stay forever. I guess the scare changed your mood a bit. I really am sorry about that, I wasn’t trying to intrude. It’s just my job.” 

“Wait- Wait- Don’t leave!” Patton swiped out to grab Eden’s hand, but he went straight through. “We still don’t know why I’m seeing you!” 

Eden faded faster the more Patton panicked. He waved and smiled. “Until next time.” 

Then he was gone. 

It was a long time before Patton saw Eden again. He kept an eye out, but part of him was convinced he imagined the entire thing. How can someone be in the Mindscape without anyone else knowing about it? Were there other figments? Why could Patton suddenly see him? 

And why did Patton miss him?

He spent every day on edge, checking every inch of every room for a glimpse of lavender fabric. It was a month later with no Happiness in sight when Patton settled himself shakily at his desk and pulled out his favourite notepad. It had little cartoon cats all over the pages, the lines pastel blue. 

The clock read  _ 2:03 _ . The full moon shone through Patton’s open window, brittle breeze chasing a shiver down Patton’s spine. 

_ Dear Happiness,  _

His hand hovered over the notepad. What the heck was he supposed to say? ‘I miss you, please come back even though we don’t know each other?’ ‘I want to abuse your function and not care about you as a person?’

Patton shuddered. This was a bad idea. 

_ I haven’t seen you around. Is everything okay?  _

_ You should come over. I want to get to know you more. Maybe we can figure out why I can see you.  _

_ <3 patton  _

He waited several weeks before he accepted that he won’t get a response. 

One morning, Patton drifted around the kitchen to make breakfast, eyelids heavy and steps slow. He was halfway through when footsteps shuffled behind him. 

Patton smiled. “Morning, kiddo!” 

Virgil flinched. Patton’s smile faded as Virgil sat at the table, bringing his legs up and propping his head on the table. 

“Hey,” Patton said softly. He rested his hands on the sides of Virgil’s face, guiding Virgil to look at him. “Nightmare?” 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, eyes downcast. “It was… Worse than usual.” 

Patton stroked his soft, warm skin. “You want some coffee?”

Virgil nodded shyly. Patton kissed his forehead and bounced over to the coffee pot, starting a brew. “Breakfast is almost finished, too! Just go ahead and decompress, sweetheart, I got this.” 

Patton turned with Virgil’s coffee, and gasped. Eden had his chest pressed to Virgil’s back, arms wrapped around his torso and chin rested on Virgil’s shoulder. He brought a finger to his lips and smiled. 

“What is it?” Virgil asked nervously, and Eden started to fade. 

“No- Nothing!” Patton hurried over and set down his coffee. “I thought I saw something, but nothing’s wrong, love. There—Made just how you like it.”

Virgil blushed as Eden’s form came back. “Thanks, Dad,” he muttered. 

In the middle of breakfast, Eden reached out and rested a hand over Patton’s. A smile crawled over Patton’s face. 

After Virgil left, Eden stuck around. Patton stood awkwardly, hands clasped and pressed to his chest. 

“So, um…” Patton looked away, face red. “What have you, uh… Been up to? Seen any other figments lately?”

“I got your letter.” Eden smiled sadly. “I can’t just come when you ask, Patton. I come when I’m called.” 

Patton’s face crumpled in distress. “You don’t choose where you go?”

“I go where I’m needed.”

Patton bit his tongue.  _ I need you.  _

“You’ll be okay,” Eden promised. “We’ll talk again soon. Just… Keep on, okay?” 

Patton nodded, sniffling. “Yeah.” He forced a smile and straightened up. “Yeah! Of course.”

Eden smiled, then he faded away. 

The next few months were difficult. Patton’s mind grew groggy with constant exhaustion, and he found it hard to focus on anything for too long. One time Virgil had to stop him from pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven without a mitt. 

He found himself lying awake at night, and sleeping all day. He suppressed the urge to ignore Thomas and the other sides’ summonings, and reminded himself to put on a happy face. No one paid him too much attention or looked too closely. It was stupid, but it brought a deep dread to his stomach. 

He was still in bed when they came to check on him. He was half asleep, and didn’t remember answering the timid knocks on his door. 

“Pat?” Virgil’s cool hand brushed Patton’s bangs back as the bed dipped beside his hips. “Is everything okay?”

“Hm?” He rolled over, leaning into Virgil’s touch. Virgil chuckled and ran his fingers through Patton’s hair. 

“We’re worried about you.” Logan stood awkwardly at the side of the bed, clutching his flashcards. “You’ve shown an increase in symptoms of depression, more so than usual, and… Virgil?”

“We know you’ve been repressing again.” 

Patton sat up, face burning. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he mumbled. 

Virgil laced their fingers and shook his head. “We all talked about this. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for Thomas. You don’t have to hide it.”

Logan nodded. “Virgil put it perfectly. I have nothing to add.”

A hand touched his back, and Patton jumped. Logan and Virgil looked at him in confusion. Eden’s soft eyes met Patton’s, his hand crawling up Patton’s back and rubbing at the top of his spine. 

“Sorry,” Patton mumbled, unable to hide his smile. He squeezed Virgil’s hand. “I just thought I heard something. I’m sorry I didn’t go to you guys.”

Logan hesitantly sat. “If I were you… I’d partake in some leisure activities. Virgil and I can join, if that’ll make it more enjoyable.” 

Patton wiped his wet eyes and nodded. “That’d be great.”

Eden followed them into the kitchen. Virgil and Logan helped him bake bread, Eden weaving between the three of them like a satin lace pulling them together. 

_ I can get through _ . Patton smiled as he pulled Virgil into a dance, one of his favourite songs playing on the radio.  _ I can get through _ . 

xxx 

The day after the Phases episode, Patton visited Roman, who’d been holed up in his room all day. He didn’t even come out for food. 

Patton knocked on the door with his foot, the plates on his tray rattling together. He yipped as he almost spilled the glass of juice. 

“Come in!”

“You mind helping me out here, Ro?” 

He shuffled around, and a moment later, he pulled the door open. His eyes lit up. “Cream of broccoli?!” He took the tray happily and settled back at his desk. 

Patton startled. Eden sat criss-cross at Roman’s feet, leaning back against the leg of the chair. He waved at Patton cutely. 

“Good day, Ro?” He sat at the edge of Roman’s bed, trying not to stare at Eden. 

“Mhm!” Roman spoke with his mouth full. “The Phases video gave me lots of inspiration! I’ve been working on a new project all day!” 

“Well, you gotta remember to eat, too.” 

Roman blushed. “I know, I just didn’t want to lose momentum.” He set his spoon down and wrapped his fingers around the glass. He stared into it with a blush. “Thank you, padre.” 

After eating, Roman got back to work. Eden stood behind him with his hands on Roman’s shoulders, gently kneading. Patton should’ve probably left- Even though Roman couldn’t see Eden, he felt like he was intruding on something intimate -but he couldn’t draw his attention away. 

Had Eden been with him all day? Was he able to be with multiple sides at once? How did Roman snag him for so long, did Eden like him better? 

“You’re overthinking,” Eden murmured, and Patton looked at him in surprise and confusion. He frowned, eyebrows drawn in sadness. “This is why you’re not supposed to know about me.” 

Patton got up to kiss Roman on the forehead, take his tray, and leave. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t look back. 

Over the next few weeks, he struggled with his feelings. It was difficult to take the others’ advice—His habit of shoving down any bad feelings was more ingrained than he realized. Every time he was upset, he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t and it was fine, until he caught himself. Then he sat there in a kind of stumped limbo. He wasn’t sure what the next step was. 

He tried talking to Virgil and Logan about it, but everything they suggested didn’t help much, and he regretted the waste in energy. 

He desperately thought back to all the times Eden had visited before. The only thing he could see in common was that he was in a good mood. It was a long shot, but if he could replicate that, maybe Happiness would show. 

He settled himself early into bed with hot chocolate in his favourite mug, topped high with whipped cream and sprinkles. He was dressed in soft pyjamas, his weighted blanket pulled over his lap and his favourite show on. 

His drink tasted just as good as it always did, and the show pulled giggles out of him throughout the night, but in the back of his mind, all he could focus on was if Eden would show up or not. 

He tried all night, but his frustration rose with the sun. 

He slumped at his desk before bed, letters messy and words running together. 

_ Dear Happiness,  _

_ I miss you.  _

_ I’m not sure what happened last night. I guess you must have been busy, helping another side or something. That’s okay. They deserve your help. But I miss you.  _

_ What did I do wrong?  _

_ -patton  _

Unsurprisingly, Patton didn’t get a response. He waited a few days before giving up.

Maybe Eden just didn’t like hanging out with him. Maybe he was repulsed by Patton, didn’t think Patton deserved his company. 

That was fine. 

He didn’t need Eden. 

Patton’s eyes fluttered open in the darkness of his room one night. His throat burned, and he groaned when he reached for his empty glass on the bedside table. 

He stumbled past the other’s rooms as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He returned with his newly filled glass, and stopped at the top of the stairs. The soft light from Logan’s desk lamp spilled into the hallway through his open door. He wasn’t inside. 

Patton’s heartbeat quickened. The bathroom was empty, and Patton hadn’t noticed him when he was downstairs. Is he okay? Did the dark sides do something with him? 

His hands trembled as he hurried down the stairs. Deceit’s snake eye, his shimmering scales, flashed in Patton’s mind. His gaze flicked to the spot by the blinds. 

His glass teetered on its edge as he dropped it on the table he passed. He threw the front door open, fully intending to cross the street and interrogate the dark sides- 

Logan laid in the grass. 

Patton pressed his hand to his heart.  _ Idiot. He’s fine _ . 

His mouth creased into a frown. Eden laid next to Logan, hands clasped. 

Patton tiptoed back onto the porch steps. One of the old wood panels creaked, and Logan glanced back. 

“Oh. Patton.” He propped himself up on his elbow and adjusted his glasses. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded, cheeks burning. “Just wanted to check on you.” 

“I’m unharmed.” Logan laid back. “You should join me.” 

Patton’s heart fluttered. He shook his head. “Oh, no, I couldn’t-” 

Logan looked back, and Patton softened. His eyes were owlishly big behind his glasses, his mouth pulled into a concerned frown. 

“I can stay a bit.” Patton sat criss-cross on the soft grass, trying not to stare at Eden. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through the untrimmed blades, the thin slices tickling his palms. 

“You don’t need to worry if I’m not in my room at night.” Logan’s eyes flicked between star to star. “I like stargazing. I like the solitude of it. It’s… In honesty, it’s the only calm I get unless I’m working.” 

Patton stiffened. “I can leave you alone-”

“I enjoy your company.” 

He jumped as soft skin touched his. Eden laced their fingers and whispered, “I miss you, too. Stay.”

Patton blushed and looked away. “I can stay for a bit.” 

xxx 

As lovely as his night with Logan and Eden was, Patton found his mental health rapidly decreasing. Thomas’s life was spiralling out of control, and Patton desperately tried to keep a handle on things, but every choice he made was a mistake. 

His family grew impatient with him. Roman’s creativity was stunted, and Virgil tensed when Patton touched him. Logan was more frustrated than usual—He shut down nearly everything Patton said. 

And after the Intrusive Thoughts video, things seemed hopeless. 

How had he been so… Wrong? How could he treat them all that way, without even noticing? Was he that bad of a person? Was he corrupting Thomas?

If he rarely got out of bed before, he lived there now. He didn’t get up to eat, only to make dinner when someone requested it of him. Anxiety seeped under Patton’s door from Virgil’s room, and the frustration in the house concentrated in Patton’s room. 

Indecision hindered him. He couldn’t get out of bed, because he couldn’t be faced with another day with the potential to fail Thomas, and everyone else in the Mindscape. 

And Eden hadn’t visited him in months. 

_ I miss you, too _ , he had said. He didn’t mean it. He would have shown up by then. 

The only time he was able to force himself out of bed was to make a decision he knew he couldn’t mess up. He pulled his hood up and wrapped his sleeves around his palms, trudging across the lawn to the dark sides’ house looming across the street. He crossed the black stone pathway and stopped at the porch, hand raised. 

Inside was chaos—Glass breaking, yelling, laughing, fighting. Deceit wasn’t home, then. 

He climbed down the steps and circled around to the back. He stretched up on his tiptoes to reach over the black panels of wood and feel around for the gate lock. He sighed in relief when he hit it and it came undone, the gate slipping open. 

He took a step into the garden, and voices stopped him. 

“It worked!” Remus’s voice was practically a squeal. Patton crept forward and peeked through the leaves of a yellow rosebush. Remus’s hands clasped Deceit’s, bouncing up and down. 

“And you’re sure?” Deceit asked. His mouth twitched upwards. “Everything went according to plan?”

Patton held his hand to his mouth as Remus pressed a sloppy kiss to Deceit’s mouth. “Yes! We’re gonna be light sides, JJ!” 

Patton inched closer, the new angle revealing Eden hugging Remus’s arm, one hand rested over Deceit and Remus’s. 

Anger bubbled in Patton’s stomach. He whipped around, intention of apologizing lost, and stormed back to his room. 

He scrabbed for the first piece of paper and pen he could find. He nearly ripped the fragile pages as he scratched ink. 

_ Happiness,  _

_ I’m glad you’re enjoying your time with everyone else. I’m so happy for you all. If you ever need me, I’ll be right here waiting, alone. But we both know that won’t happen. We both know you don’t need me, don’t want me, just as the others don’t.  _

_ I don’t need you anyway. I don’t need you to help Thomas and I don’t need you to feel okay and I don’t need you to do my job.  _

_ I wish we’d never met.  _

_ Morality _

_ PS: did you plan this?  _

xxx 

“Pat?”

Patton forced on a friendly face and pulled the door open. It was a few weeks after Janus told them his name, and everyone was tentatively mending relationships. He couldn’t ruin that with his own anger. 

“Everything okay, Roman?”

He nodded. “We, uh… Well, we were thinking a movie night. Uh, now.” 

Patton blinked. They hadn’t had a movie night since they watched Frozen. “That sounds fun, kiddo.” 

“So you’ll come?” Roman smiled sheepishly. 

Patton twisted his fingers in his shirt. “If you want me there, I’m there!”

He grinned. “Perfect! Come on, we still have time to vote!” 

Roman grabbed his hand and dragged him downstairs. Patton’s eyes widened when they stepped into the living room. All of the usual suspects were there- Virgil curled at one side of the couch, Logan in the armchair, plenty of space for Roman and Patton to sit -but three new faces joined them. 

Janus and Remus sat on the loveseat, Remus clothed this time. Remus had his legs thrown over Janus’s lap, and Janus looked annoyed but ran his hand up and down his shin subconsciously. 

And Eden sat on the floor, back pressed to the couch, in the middle of them all. 

Patton settled in the empty seat behind Eden. He didn’t react as Eden said, “I have a good feeling.” 

Patton pursed his lips and glanced down. 

Eden leaned back and rested his head against Patton’s knee. “Hang out with me tonight,” he whispered. 

Patton relaxed into the couch. Remus cackled as he poked at the scales on Janus’s face, who continuously pushed him away. Virgil and Roman argued about Roman tampering with the votes, and Logan took it all in with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. 

“Okay,” Patton whispered back, unable to stop from smiling. “That sounds good.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I created a character to put Patton through some Angst(TM) and instead Gray and I ended up shipping him with Patton so cheers to that


End file.
